23 Days and Counting

In less then four weeks my life has done a 180 and now I’m thankful for it! I’ll explain.

Four weeks ago I was so happy and content. My life was going smoothly and I was feeling better then I had in a long time. I had been working hard to loose some weight so I had been eating well and exercising everyday! I was happy in the Lord and reading my Bible, as well as getting excited about volunteering for children’s ministry and AWANA. Then on August 4^th after checking up on my Dad I found him in critical condition.

The morning of August 4^th was all about me and by bedtime it was all about Dad. During the next several weeks there would be little to no Stacey time and lots of Dad and Heavenly Dad time. God has changed the direction of my life and I’m so thankful that He has helped me see past myself and is teaching me more about seeing the need in others.

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Here is the latest on Dad.

Swallowing –
He saw a speech pathologist last week and he has some impairment on his swallowing. They have taken him off of the TPN. They began tube feeding him as well as giving him thick liquids three times a day. He has begun slowly eating things like jello and other liquid substances thickened with nectar juice. He doesn’t eat much but each meal he has a few bites and that will help in a big way. They will continue to monitor his swallowing and we are praying he will eventually regain his ability to eat proper foods. In the meantime, it is just day by day.

Mental State –
They did another CT scan today and the results show he has cortical atrophy. This is shrinkage of the cerebral cortex. It is actually common in the elderly and can cause confusion, disorientation, memory loss and vision problems. I haven’t looked into this much so I don’t know much about it yet. He didn’t say the shrinkage was great but just that there was some. This could be one factor in his mental state. As I have stated before, the infection in his body, his liver condition and the fact he is in the hospital can all contribute to it. This is also a day by day thing.

With his mental state he also pulls on things and tries to get out of bed. They have had to loosely restrain his arms so he can’t touch each arm with the other or his face. I hate having to see him not having free reign of his arms but the other day he fell on the floor, pulled out his pick tube (IV) and his feeding tube. We had to go with the lesser of two evils – the restraints.

Pneumonia –
Praise God! His pneumonia is significantly better at this time. The bad news is that this doesn’t mean it will completely clear up or not get worse again. Since he has swallowing difficulties he could aspirate on his own saliva which in turn can just create a cycle that keeps inducing his pneumonia. He is on an antibiotic and it seems to be dealing with it very well.

Ascites –
Do you remember me discussing this in my previous letter? They drained one liter of fluid from his abdomen last Friday. This fluid did have infection in it but there was no sign of cancer! They have left a tube in his abdomen to keep draining the ascites. They have also started him on an intravenous antibiotic and will treat it for the next 7 – 10 days. Then he will be given an oral antibiotic that he will most likely need to take daily for the rest of his life because of his liver. The infection is due to the fluids weeping from his liver. The doctor told me that our digestive tract is full of bacteria and when it gets into our abdomen cavity it thrives in that environment. Please pray that Dad will not pull his tubes out.

Lesion on Heart –
They found a lesion on his heart during a scan. They haven’t been able to run any tests at this time. They don’t know what it is but seem to not be concern with it at this time. All in due time. They won’t speculate but some possibilities are cancer, signs of congestive heart failure or infection. Let’s not speculate but keep this in our prayers!

Liver –
Still no new news. They have yet to meet with the liver specialist and won’t make any assumptions. However, the doctor did talk about the possibility of moving him to KU Medical Center if and when they exhaust all their resources to help him. I’ll let you know more when I know more.

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Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers! God has been so faithful and I’m so blessed to have, once again, felt His sustaining power and grace!

Love Stac

Long Overdue Update

I didn't really want to blog everything going on at first. I didn't want all the sadness archived. Now I wish I had because I would have been able to look back and see how God has provided. Here is the most recent update.

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I know you have all been wondering what is going on and I apologize for the delay in an update. I have wanted to send an update for a week but I've just been so exhausted any free time I'm sleeping. =)

We've had a lot of ups and downs over the past week. The VA (Veteran's Affair) Hospital in Leavenworth, Kansas learned dad was now stable and demanded him to be moved from Providence Hospital. This is now an hour and a half roundtrip instead of an hour.

I am really pleased with the doctors dad has at the VA. I met with them Monday and they are very aggressive about getting to the bottom to all his conditions and figuring out what is going on. On the other hand, I'm really discouraged regarding the nurses. I feel they lack compassion and a desire to see to the patient’s smaller needs.

For example, my dad cannot eat or drink yet and he has been allowed two small ice cubes every hour to keep his mouth moist. It was about 5:30 yesterday and I had already been with dad for about 30 minutes and dad asked if he could get some ice. I asked the nurse if he had ice within the hour and she said she wasn't sure because she just started her shift. I asked what time her shift started and she said 4pm. I asked if she had given him any ice since she started an hour and a half ago and she said no. So I said then he hasn't had any in the last hour. She said I guess not. Ugh! I asked the nurse to get him some and she said she couldn't get it right then. We wait about 10 minutes and she never brought it. So I went to get some. I told dad he could have some every hour but he is so confused he doesn't really now when an hour would have passed. I just hate feeling that when I can't be there with him that he may not be getting much attention. Please pray regarding this.

I did get an opportunity to speak to one of dad's doctors last night. That was a blessing for me. He has a few things going on and I'll try to explain them.

Fluid in the abdomen (ascites)-
He has a build up of fluid in the abdomen which is common with patients with cirrhosis. Typically this fluid is found free flowing throughout the abdomen and the internal organs sort of just "float" around in this fluid. They wanted to do a tap of the fluid earlier in the week to determine if the fluid was clear or had infection or blood in it. To do this they have to take a scan and mark where the organs to make sure they don't hit anything. However, what they found was odd. The fluid was not free flowing but encased. At this time they didn't know if it were a cyst, tumor or what. They drained it yesterday and determined it was fluid with infection. It was explained to me that it appeared that the ascites was encased because of the infection. Similar to how our body encases an abscess. He has been on antibiotics since he was in the ICU so this has probably helped some. I didn’t get a chance to ask what exactly this meant long term but I had several questions to ask so I was going to wait until we discussed the liver later.

Pneumonia –
His pneumonia has not cleared up but it has gotten a little better. His oxygen levels are good, his breathing is stable and they feel they have him on an antibiotic that is most responsive to his pneumonia. This is probably something we will deal with for a long time. They may not be able to completely clear it at least not anytime soon.

Liver (cirrhosis) –
They still aren’t really answering any of my questions regarding the liver. They wanted to deal with the ascites and pneumonia first. I was told that today they’d be meeting with a liver specialist and having a group discuss on dad’s liver. I told Dr. Hayes that Providence gave us a very grim prognosis and what his opinion was of their diagnosis. He said they didn’t want to speculate until they had an opportunity to discuss it but from his reaction I felt he wasn’t optimistic. However, I am not going to worry over it I am going to wait until I hear from them.

Swallowing –
They still haven’t determined if he can eat or drink. They tried a feeding tube through the nose but he plays with it so much they couldn’t leave it in. They will be doing tests today and tomorrow to determine if he can swallow. He hasn’t been able to and we really need to get him swallowing. We are between a rock and a hard spot with his nutrition right now. Because of his inability to swallow all of his conditions are compounded by the lack of nutrition. He has been receiving a TPN (total parenteral nutrition) bag intravenously that provides him with nutrition such as protein, sugar, vitamins, minerals and sometimes fat (lipids). This is not meant as a long term solution especially for patients with liver problems because it is difficult on the liver. The other option is a gastric feeding tube. This is sort of a last resort. It may not even be an option with all the fluids in his abdomen.

Mental State –
This is so frustrating to me. They really don’t know what is causing dad’s confused state. It is really hard to judge his mental capabilities. He has his long-term memory and sometimes his short-term. However, he talks about the strangest things. For instance, yesterday I told him I needed him to say a letter to the Post Office so I could get his mail. He seemed to comprehend what I was asking and I placed the paper in front of him with a pen and he started to sign his name. He wanted to put it up in the typed body of the letter and I directed him down towards the bottom. He told me to quit going so fast. I wasn’t doing anything but holding the paper on a hard surface. He was able to sign his name and it wasn’t too messy. He was also calling my Aunt Debra my sister Becky. He would keep telling me that he needed me to get two out of the refrigerator. I’m not sure what he was referring to. Sometimes he seemed coherent and I asked him when his rent was due and if some of his bills were paid automatically. He answered those but went back to talking strange. I know he wants out of there and I want him out of there. He says he is hungry and I am sure he is. I am praying for his comfort and clarity.

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The strange thing for me is that this was easier when he was unresponsive in ICU. He wasn’t hungry, uncomfortable or lonely and his nurses were fabulous. I am so thankful that dad is alert even though he is confused. I am not sure what God has in store for dad but I am trying to be patient and faithful. I asked dad yesterday if he remembered giving me my first Bible in 1988. He said he remembered that every letter and card I sent I always put a verse on it. I asked him if he ever read them in his Bible. He said he didn’t want to discuss it.

Yesterday dad had his nurse call me and tell me to come to the hospital as quickly as possible. I had already planned on leaving in 10 minutes but I left early. I was a little scared and nervous about what was going on and how dad was. I was praying and talking to God about my fear. At first I was wondering if my fear was lack of faith and trust in God. It wasn’t. I think fear is a human emotion and what is important is how we respond to the fear. I can imagine Abraham having fear when he was traveling up the mountain to sacrifice Isaac but he knew God would provide. My friend Jill told me that I need to trust what I know and not what I feel. I felt scared but I knew God would provide. So I went and I stayed calm. The fear didn’t leave until I arrived and God provided. So I would like to pass on the wise words of a friend to trust what you know and not what you feel.

To be able to trust what we know we must know God’s Word.

Romans 10:17
“So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.”

Hebrews 13:5
“Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Isaiah 55:8-9
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.

Romans 8:38-39
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

This is a solid insurance contract. No created thing can separate us from the love of God. We could never name every created thing so I will start with the non-created thing(s). God and, well, God. =) Only God was not created. Therefore, nothing can separate us from God’s love and that is all we need. Trust in Him today and he will bless you!

Thank you for your prayers!

Love Stac