Replant and Flourish

Today was a really nice day for me. The weather was fantastic, and my friend Amy gave me a birthday present. She had promised me some quality time and planting some herbs. Over the years I have desired to become more of a green thumb. I'm green alright but more in my lack of knowledge then ability. =) We headed to the store to purchase pots, seeds and soil. I had also bought some pots in order to re-pot some plants I received when dad passed. It had been really nice to received plants instead of flowers because flowers just usually die. (I also received a lovely potted flower from my friends the Drent's for my birthday so I replanted that too.)

I had some plants that seemed to be doing really nicely and some that were dying. I was watering them all on the same days and about the same amount. I realized that some of them had dry soil, some moist and one was totally soaked. I learned tonight a great deal about the importance of proper pots, drainage and the best spots to receive sunlight. I think my mother-in-law would be proud. =) There were some things Amy was unsure about but I have taken pictures and she recommended that I take them to the local greenhouse and ask what is the best way to tend to them.



Tonight I have been thinking about my life and thinking about a title we once had at a mother-daughter banquet - "Grow where you're planted." I was struggling to accept this place God had planted me. I was fighting it and just wanted things to go back to the way they were. I now see God has "replanted" and pruned me so that I might flourish and grow to be even lovelier and fuller then before. We, like plants, need to be fed, well drained (I'm thinking about my emotions and how I need to be able to release them and accept them), pruned and replanted in order to be all that God has intended for us to be.

I Corinthians 7:17-24

17 Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.

18 Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised.

19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. 20Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him.

21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so.

22 For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave.

23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men.

24 Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.

We need to see that our current place in life or our circumstances are where God has planted us. He custom made my yoke and helps me to carry it.

Two of my favorite quotes from Linda Dillow are "Contentment is a state of the heart not a state of affairs" and "Soul Sufficiency is a peace separate from our circumstances." I miss dad dearly and I'm going to grieve, God created us to grieve, but this shouldn't determine my heart and steal my joy. I have confidence that God is there, that He sustains me and through that I have joy and peace regardless of my circumstances. This is a peace and joy that the world can not understand. I pray that others will see this in me so that I may be a light to the world and others will come to know Christ's love.

Tonight Amy and I replanted, pruned, watered and placed them all in special places. Now I have many lovely plants that I am praying will flourish and grow to be beautiful. This truly was one of the best days I have had in months. Thank you Amy!

Moving Forward - Slowly

I have struggled, since loosing dad, to interact with others outside of work. I haven't felt like writing or responding to any emails. I love getting emails but I find it hard to reply. That is so unlike me. In fact, I have found many things to be outside of my "normal" behavior or personality. I was finding it hard to follow-through with my commitments. Such as AWANA, teaching Sunday School, piano lessons - just to name a few. I decided it was better to opt out of those commitments rather then canceling all the time.

So what have I been doing with all my time? Outside of work, just because I don't really want to quit, I watch a lot of senseless television and/or surf the internet. I have found it hard to spend time with God and reading my Bible. I'm not angry with God nor have I lost faith or hope. I just struggled with quiet time. I find it hard to let my mind be quiet. Therefore, I sought "comfort" in television and the internet. Mindless junk that is bountiful and readily accessible.

Back up a few weeks, I was not eating very well, hardly sleeping at all and not active outside of going to work. I started to get sick (ended up with a sinus infection) so I went to my doctor. I finally told her that I hadn't been sleeping and she prescribed me a sleeping aid. I really didn't want a sleep aid so I tried to withhold my problem but I knew it was better that I did. She gave me instructions and I go back to visit her next week. The sleep aid was fantastic! I have never struggled with sleeping. I am a very deep sleeper and after dad passed I couldn't sleep. Even when I was "asleep" I was thinking and I was telling myself "I am not getting rest even though I'm sleeping." It was strange and it made me very tired. The sleep aid worked like a charm and I started to get strength back as well as putting my emotions back together.

I started doing my devotions again and I've been reading in Psalms. It is amazing what scripture can do to change your heart and guide you - even just a chapter a day. After dinner I sat down to watch some mindless television and I searched the channels but desired more to open God's Word and just share with Him my heart. I started to think about how people seek comfort from many sources and not always God. I don't think I was using television to seek comfort but to keep up the noise. If that makes any sense at all. I was thankful that God has protected me and people have been praying for me and that I haven't sought comfort from any other source but God. I think seeking comfort and seeking distraction are two different things.

I started to think about how we lie to ourselves when we seek comfort and distraction from any source other then God. Their satisfaction and fulfillment are temporal and do not bring joy. Though watching mindless television did bring distraction for a short amount of time, the feelings and challenges were waiting just around the corner. Most of the time they were more difficult then before because all I've done is prolonged the feelings and/or responsibilities.

Psalm 40:1-8

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.

7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.

8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."

He hears my cries and He has/will answer them. He has/will bring me out of the pit and plant me firmly on the ground so that I do not fall. Then He fills my heart and my mouth with praise and worship. This will be a testimony for others to see and come to believe. I must trust in Him and keep the faith, not seeking comfort from empty sources. Humble myself and know that only He can truly satisfy.

He has blessed me in so many ways, so many ways that I can not count them. He does not seek my sacrifice but my obedience. So here I am Lord in all my iniquities and weakness, I desire to do your will and keep Your law that you have placed in my heart.

Psalm 90:12 says:

Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

I have learned, and I hope it is written on my heart, that time is short and precious. I miss dad terribly, more then words can express, but I am so thankful that I had the time I had with him and the opportunity to treasure it.

So typing this had been hard and I couldn't hold back the tears. But I am so thankful that I could finally bring myself to do it. Thank you for all your prayers and support. I know that God has given me more grace then I deserve - but that is why it is called grace. Never underestimate how much God loves you.